PS_MAPP Class 4

Class Summary: Attachment

Last night in class we talked about attachment and how all of our positive attachments stem from our first/primary positive attachment. It was interesting to hear about how attempting to sever the ties or attachment with a child's birth family will actually sever the child's attachment to you and your family as well. I think its a great perspective to keep going into this. I know a lot of people foster because they wish to adopt and that desire can sometimes lead to them intentionally or unintentionally weakening the relationship with their child's primary family. I think its good that we are forced to see the damage that causes early in the process so there is no confusion about whether advocating for a birth family is in the best interest of the child.

"How would you feel about fostering a teenage mother?"

My first home study is officially in the books. I was so nervous before hand. Turns out it was all for nothing. My licensing worker didn't care how clean my house was, she wasn't intimidating, she didn't ask to go through the drawers in my house. She did however pose a very poignant question "How would you feel about fostering a teenage mother? We have a very hard time placing teen moms because a lot of people will take a baby or a teenager but most don't want both, and the baby usually isn't in foster care so it can be a very tricky situation to navigate at times." I have no clue how to parent a teenager. I have no clue if I would be good at it. I do know that helping to end bad life cycles is exactly why I went into foster care. I have seen good people be bad parents because they repeat the choices and lifestyles of their parents. I have seen young girls not understand what being a caring and nurturing mother entails because their mother didn't model any of those behaviors. So I'm considering it. I plan on speaking to a few different foster parents who have made this decision to get advice and a realistic picture of what it entails. I do think it will be completely worth it if it is something I have the competence to do.

PS-MAPP Class 3

Class Summary: Maturational and Situational Losses

Becoming a loss and grief expert 101 was the basic synopsis of class 3. We talked a lot about how we experience losses maturationally and they don't have the same negative effects that situational losses have because the gains outweigh the losses in almost all instances. We talked about how foster children grieve and what behaviors come along with that grieving process. We talked about how to aide in moving forward in the grieving process in a productive manner and how its important to recognize triggers in your own life. Grief and loss isn't something you're really forced to study much unless you choose to. Its interesting to examine what loss does and can do to us and how getting stuck in the grief cycle can be detrimental to our health. Its interesting that grief and loss is a human experience that is shared across continents, genders, races, religions and cultures.

Next up attachment :)

PSMAPP Class 2

Class Summary: Strengths and Needs

Class numero dos was all about identifying strengths and needs. Your own families strengths and needs. Your foster children's strengths and needs. Your personal strengths and needs. Everything you do well or will help you in your foster care adventure gets listed as a strength. Things that you need to work on or need resources for in order to develop are needs. We all have both. Sometimes the things we think would be a weakness actually are a strength in this world because they help you relate to the kids you care for. Its interesting to read all of the case studies and try to pick apart the needs of the children based on their behaviors. Every behavior is expressing a need. Sometimes they are obvious, sometimes they are convoluted but there is always one being expressed. That's what I took away from the class, to look at the need instead of the behavior. Fulfill the need, stop the behavior.

Tomorrow night is my first home study, here's to hoping I pass with flying colors :)

PS-MAPP Class 1

Summary of Class 1: HOMEWORK

Lots and lots of homework.

I've never answered so many questions about myself in my entire life. Personal Profiles, General Profiles, Single Person Profiles, Personal References, Safety Plans, Floor Plans, Universal Precautions tests and Health Reports. You name it and I have answered it this week. I'm going to chalk this up to my first experience being inundated with foster care related paperwork. I've read a lot this past year about how much paperwork is involved, I'm guessing they just wanted to start us out on the right foot. We also got to read about AIDS prevention, the foster child's bill of rights, the foster parents bill of rights, the birth parents bill of rights, the purpose of foster care, and a case study.

I was sure walking in that I was going to be the only single person in my class, turns out I was wrong. There are 3 other single women in my class. One is in the class to qualify for a subsity to adopt her current foster children and the other two and planning on fostering. I am the only one in my class who does not have children of their own though.

My second class is tonight. I'm interested to see if everyone returns. There was nothing scary or intimidating about our first class unlike what I've read of other peoples experiences.

Here's to jumping in line for the rollercoaster!

"Do you think you'll really be able to make a difference if you're single?"

That's the question I got asked last night. Here's what I wish I would have said:

"Yes. I absolutely do think I have the ability to make a difference, I'm not doing this for fun. There is nothing fun about waking up in the middle of the night with an inconsolable child, there is nothing fun about the temper tantrums that will manifest because of grief and loss, there is nothing fun about explaining to a child that adults shouldn't touch them inappropriately, there is nothing fun about explaining to a child that their parent didn't show up again for a visit, there is nothing fun about cleaning up peed on sheets for the 100th night in a row, there is nothing fun about explaining that drug addiction and alcohol addiction aren't safe and that until mommy/daddy can keep them safe they can't go home but I do think it will all be worth it so see a child heal, to see a family heal, to see Gods grace and mercy in action. I don't think I have all the answers or all the skills I will ever need and for that I am greatful that Gods power is made perfect in weakness. I do think I will make mistakes, I don't think I will make all the right decisions. I don't think being married would change any of that. I am aware it will be harder to do it on my own BUT I do have love, a home that is safe, and an unwavering commitment to what I'm about to do, and YES I do think that is enough to make a difference."

Have you ever been asked this question? What was your response?

Application Approved

I received an email confirmation today telling me my application and background checks have cleared and to call to schedule one of three available PSMAPP classes. In the hour between when I received the email and called the coordinator the first available class filled up. Apparently foster care is popular around here. So October 20th it is, unless they decide to open another class between now and then. Here's to 6 more months of waiting!

It finally happened...

I have read many foster care blog posts that talk about people who say "oh that's such an amazing thing to do but I would just be devestated to let them go..." in response to news that you're fostering. Until yesterday no one had responded to me that way. Maybe it's because my family knows better, or maybe they thought it but never said it, yesterday, however, I was talking with a DHS representative and she asked why I had chosen to register my daycare. My response was "I'm in the process of registering to be a foster parent and it's a requirement that all inhome daycares be state registered." To which she dropped the inevitable line. I honestly didn't think it would affect me until after I had had a foster child leave my home but I was wrong. As soon as she finished her statement I smiled at her but on the inside I was offended. I do plan on it being hard when children leave my home, I plan on loving them as much as she was insinuating she would. It doesn't make me less of a person for choosing to make the hard decision to walk this journey. I'm well aware that it's going to take me to places I never wanted to go, to have conversations no one should have to have with a small child, and to see the kinds of evil I would rather pretend don't actually exist. But the alternative is not being positive that the children I will love would've been safe and cared for during their time in this system. The sad truth is that there are bad foster parents just like there are bad birth parents. There are people who foster for alterior motives, but if everyone who has a heart that is able to love a child that isn't their own choses not to foster because they are afraid of heart break, it allows an already broken system to be catastrophic to its innocent victims. It leaves children to only see the evil we as adults choose to ignore. It removes all hope of improving our society or breaking bad life cycles. It would produce more horrific news stories for us to shake our heads at and exclaim "what is the world coming to?" It's coming to a place where personal convienence has become more important than improving the life of a child. I'm sorry fostering would break your heart, I'm not sorry your heartbreak would make a world of difference in a child's life.

Reality

I've been talking to anyone and everyone in my life about doing foster care for the last 7 months. At first it was awkward for me to bring up but the more I discussed it with my family and friends the more natural it became. I thought I had fully grasped the reality of the journey ahead of me, until last Wednesday when I was standing there with my application in hand waiting for the guy behind the counter to stamp it for me. All of a sudden this journey that I have been talking about for so long really became real. It's something I'm actually doing not just talking about. The probability that my life will not look the same as it does today by winter is high; the excitement that had felt up until that moment was still there but now it's paired with a healthy amount of fear. Here's to walking into the unknown, eyes wide open.

The Process of Preparing

The process of preparing for you, little one, is daunting. I haven't even started foster care classes yet and already I'm making my way through lists of things I have to do. Part of that is my fault, a year ago I started remodeling this house, but the thought of you hadn't entered my mind yet, so there are things that need done differently before a home visit. Financially preparing for you is something else entirely. For the first time I have to provide for another human being, and in my head I keep thinking what if you never leave? Am I really ready for that? I will be, it is just going to take a few months. I know that you will be part of Gods plan for my life, as I am part of yours, so wether you stay for a night or for the rest of your life God will provide what we need in each moment. Emotionally I'm not prepared, and I'm not sure I ever will be. I expect this journey to be hard, I expect to want to give up at times, but I can't prepare for the unexpected. This process isn't natural, it's man-made, so it's bound to have flaws. I don't think you can see all the flaws until you're in the midst of them, so I'll take a deep breath for now and allow myself to embrace the unknowns as they come.