Dear Little One

I’m a planner by nature. I like to be prepared for things. Today I did something that I probably should have waited on. I bought you clothes. As I held the pile of clothes in my arm it felt so weird not to know who you are. What size will you wear when you arrive? Will it be summer? Winter? Will you stay for a week? A year? As I picked out each article I began to daydream about the child that would fill it. Are you a girl or a boy? Will you like pink flowers? Will I have an occasion for you to wear this polo? Will I meet you soon? There are so MANY questions that I have about this process, about my abilities, but mostly little one I just want to know about YOU. I pray that someday you will understand that the God of the universe has a plan and that plan includes me being your mama through this season of your life. I pray that even though you will feel broken and out of place in my home that someday you will see that these walls were made for you to live in. I know I will make mistakes being your foster mom, but God chose me and God chose you. And that same God created the mountains, the ocean, and all the stars in the night sky and He doesn’t make mistakes. This time we will share was meant to be. God will love you when we all fail you. God will make up for my inadequacy and your parents inadequacies. I’m sorry we have failed you, I’m sorry that this will not be the last time any of us fail you, but God is bigger than all of our failures, He can fix me, He can fix your mom, He can fix your dad, and little one, He will heal you. “For I know the plans I have for you” Declares the Lord “Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11 I have clung to that verse my entire life and today I pray that you will do the same. KNOW that God loves you little one. KNOW that there is NOTHING you can do that will force Him to turn His back on you. KNOW that He wants a relationship with you. KNOW that no matter how far you run or how well you hide or how hard you try to push him away, He sees you and He’s calling out to you. He called me to love you, and love you I will!