The Process of Preparing

The process of preparing for you, little one, is daunting. I haven't even started foster care classes yet and already I'm making my way through lists of things I have to do. Part of that is my fault, a year ago I started remodeling this house, but the thought of you hadn't entered my mind yet, so there are things that need done differently before a home visit. Financially preparing for you is something else entirely. For the first time I have to provide for another human being, and in my head I keep thinking what if you never leave? Am I really ready for that? I will be, it is just going to take a few months. I know that you will be part of Gods plan for my life, as I am part of yours, so wether you stay for a night or for the rest of your life God will provide what we need in each moment. Emotionally I'm not prepared, and I'm not sure I ever will be. I expect this journey to be hard, I expect to want to give up at times, but I can't prepare for the unexpected. This process isn't natural, it's man-made, so it's bound to have flaws. I don't think you can see all the flaws until you're in the midst of them, so I'll take a deep breath for now and allow myself to embrace the unknowns as they come.